Rule No. 5: No Sex on the Bus by Brian Thacker

Author:Brian Thacker
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin Pty Ltd
Published: 2001-07-07T16:00:00+00:00

At around this stage of a trip, quite a few passengers would have coupled off. Some might have played the field a bit before choosing their life partner—well, life-of-the-trip partner, anyway. The newly coupled would then spend most of their time looking for somewhere to bonk (and never mind the scenery). On the deckers, a night rarely went by without the whole bus rocking away. The bonkers seemed totally oblivious to the fact that there were another 22 people sharing a space not much larger than your average family bathroom. When two or three couples were having a good go at it and jigging about, it was like trying to sleep through a major earthquake.

On the drive to Venice one time, a girl went upstairs looking for something or other and spotted, at the back of the bus, a couple doing the business. She also saw her sleeping bag lying on top of them and charged up, pulled it off them and squealed in disgust, ‘Ohh, it’s got spunk on it!’ Without losing his timing for a second, the guy casually replied, ‘It can’t of, I haven’t finished yet.’ The innocent bystander rushed downstairs to tell us all, so five people went upstairs and took photos of the copulating couple. Something else to show grandma, perhaps?

This sort of behaviour is nothing new, according to Thomas Nugent’s 1749 book, The Grand Tour. He said of that famous Venetian, Casanova: ‘He shared a young woman with five or six others, who made love to her one after the other until her cheeks were flushed with joy.’ Casanova was also then having an affair with, of all people, a nun. ‘She was a deliciously sensual creature,’ he said, ‘who enjoyed the bodies of women as well of those of men, and gave as much excitement as any girl I have known.’ I don’t think even my passengers would stoop that low. (Or do I mean aim that high?) But then again, there were no nunneries on our itinerary.

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